It's a love/hate thing

Here are a few things I don't love.

1. The weather. I don’t like anything about all of this humidity. It makes it hard to breathe when I'm outside. When the humidity is above 30% it makes me grumpy. We've also had some crazy storms lately also. Last Monday we were without electricity at my house for 12 hours. I had to go to a funeral that morning, (more on "funeral" later). Anyway, I started out on the North East side of town where I live. I took my shower and did my make up in the dark. I needed to do my hair and iron my clothes and that is impossible without this thing we call power so I gathered my iron, clothes and wet hair and drove to the west side to do all of that business at work. That is a perk of being a hair stylist. You can just do your hair when you get to work. Well I wasn't going to work, I was going to a funeral that happened to be on the South West side of town. Are you following me? From the NE side to the W side to the SW side. After the funeral they had us drive all over the South East side of town on all of these backroads I've never been on before to get to the cemetery. After the service there I drove back to the NE side of town to go home to change my clothes and head to work. So if you didn't follow all of that I drove from the NE side, to the W side, to the SW side, to the SE side back to the NE side and then to the W side. By the end of the day it was a little over 100 miles that I traveled. I got sidetracked a little bit there. What was I talking about??? Oh yeah, the weather. It has done nothing good for my hair either. That leads me to number 2.

2. My hair has been horrible lately. It starts out decent. I wouldn't go as far as saying good. Decent. By the time noon rolls around the humidity has turned it into a fro. It needs to be cut in a big bad way. I feel like I just got it cut but I must not have had enough cut off. Maybe later this week I'll do something about that.

3. Since I'm talking about hair I'll go straight into the way my hands smell. I did a perm today at work. This took place about 2:30 this afternoon. I've washed my hands about 20 times since then. I'm not OCD (maybe a little) but I just don't like the way it feels when I have stuff on them so I wash them often. My hands still smell like that damn perm. Maybe I should wash them with toothpaste. That's what my dad always does after he goes fishing. It takes the smell out. I'll go try.....Well I'll be darned. It worked. My hands now smell minty fresh plus scope. I'll have to remember that little trick.

4. I'm liking how all of these things are leading to the next so I'll go into how my clients sometimes complain and I don't want to hear it. Recently we increased our prices at work. I work on commission so the only way I get a raise on my paycheck is if we raise our prices. That only happens once every few years. Most people get a raise every year. Not me. But let me tell you, when I do get a raise I have to deal with people bitching at me constantly about it. I understand that people aren't made of money but they have to understand that I'm not either and I have to pay my bills. Just like everything in life, prices go up. So about a month ago one of my clients comes in and is getting her hair cut. All she does is complain about how she can't afford to spend that much money to get her hair cut, yet, she's sitting in my chair knowing I'm going to charge her that much when we're done. So she tells me that she probably won't be back because her husband already has a problem with how much money she spends. I don't know what she was trying to accomplish by complaining to me about it. I don't know if she was just expecting me to say "Ok well why don't you just tell me how much you want to pay me and that will be what I charge you" That's not the way it works. So I thought I wouldn't see her again. Well she calls and makes an appointment to get a perm. She comes in today and continues with the complaining. "Well I talked to my friends and they don't pay this much to get their hair done" blah blah blah. So don't come to me. If you can't afford me then don't continue making appointments with me. Go to where your friends go and pay what they pay. I wonder if she goes to the mall and tells the woman at Dillards "I really want these shoes but I can't pay this much for them" This isn't Chinatown lady. There is no bargaining here. The price on the wall is the price you pay. period.

5. Did someone say period? I'm just going to throw this out there and I know all of you ladies will agree with me. "The Curse" can suck it hard. Once a month or whenever it decides to show up I hate being a girl. That’s all I have to say about that.

6. Speaking of girls. I'm so tired of hearing all of these chick singers playing their pianos and whining. I don't know when this craze took place but I'm not a fan. I don't want to listen to you and how you're not going to write me a love song because I asked for it. They all sound and look exactly the same. In general I don't usually like chick singers but add a piano to the mix and it's all a little too much for me to handle.

7. Speaking of how I want to stab myself in the ears...Have you ever given thought to the fact that the word funeral begins with the word FUN but they're really not fun at all. Why don't they call them saderal's because that’s what they are. Most of them that I've been to have been nothing about the actual person we are there to honor. Most of the time a guy that has never met the departed gets up there and talks about what a good parent and grandparent the person was and reads their obituary which everyone at the funeral has already read. Then they usually go into some god bullshit and tries to relate it to the person who has died but since they didn't know them in the first place it usually sounds like he is grasping at straws to find things to say. That is not how I want my funeral to be. I want mine to actually be fun. I want people to tell funny stories about me. I want people to laugh. I swear if when I die someone gets up there and speaks jibberish about how I am like some verse in the bible I will come back to haunt every single one of you that allowed that to happen. Just saying.

8. I just hiccupped and sneezed at the same time. That's painful.


Now lets change gears and talk about some things that I love.

1. There are a few commercials on tv that bring a lot of joy to my life. The first one is the Burger King commercial where the chick that used to be on Days of our Lives is trying to convince her "daughter" to eat an apple. Then her "father" which is the king walks in with the sliced apples and all is well until little prince walks in and kicks the king in the shin. I love everything about that. Violence by children in commercials is always fun. The next one I enjoy is the chips ahoy commercial that has the chocolate chip cookie singing Rod Steward "If you want my body and you think I'm sexy come on sugar let me know" Something about that is unnatural and uncomfortable but makes me smile.

2. Pam Anderson is going to have her own show starting on Sunday on E! I love Pam Anderson. I think she is funny and smart. She talks really fast too. I think people don't give her enough credit for being smart. If anyone is looking for me on Sunday nights I'll be at home watching the Pam show.

3. I was looking on the County Jail Inmate website earlier and there was a guy who got arrested and his last name is Glascock. Really? Names like this make me wonder how somewhere along the line it didn't get changed to something a little less.......inappropriate. You hear of people all the time saying "When my family came over from (where ever) my last name was (this) but when they got to america they changed it to (that)". Why didn't his ancestors change their name when they got to America. It's the freedom land. You're free to be whatever and whomever you wish so why would keep a name like Glascock? It makes me laugh.

4. My sister will be happy about this one. I ordered a new computer on Sunday. It should be here next week sometime. The computer I use now has dinosaurs inside running it. It's really old and really slow. My sister always complains about it. I've just been too busy paying my bills to get a new computer. Since Zeth and I both got raises we have a few extra dollars each month so we were able to pay cash for a new computer. We could have gotten one a long time ago but we didn't want to put it on a credit card. We wanted to just be able to pay for it and be done. I guess our hardwork has paid off now. I get my new green Dell laptop that will take me 3 years to learn how to use. By then my sister will be yelling at me again that my computer is old and slow.

5. The Cubs beat the Brewers for the 2nd night in a row. This is huge for them right now. They are the 1st and 2nd place teams in their division so the Cubs need to win these games. Now if they can keep the Brewers and Cardinals at bay it'll be a good rest of the season.

6. The Iowa State Fair starts in exactly 7 days 1 hour and 31 minutes from the time I'm typing this. I'm pretty excited. I say I'm not going to go every day but I'm not sure how realistic that is. I missed 2 days last year and that was my choice. We'll see what happens this year. I'm excited about it. There is a commercial where they have different people saying there are things that you "have to love" about the fair. I guess there is a blonde kid that is creepy and says "You just have to love the butter cow". Jenny called me tonight and told me about how he creeps her out big time. I'm gonna have to watch this commercial a little closer now.

This is a lot to digest so I'm out YO!

Smart eh?

I was sitting at a red light on my way home from my friends new apartment when I saw one of the most god awful ugly things I've ever set my peepers on. It looked a lot like this...

...except it didn't have the lovely lily on the side and it only had one wheel in the front. A 3 wheel pink smart car??? Really? Who chooses one of these for their daily driver? I did a little research. One would think that this luxury vehicle would get about 4000 mpg because that is about the only way I would ever even consider thinking about maybe looking at one. Not the case. From the research I did in the last 3 minutes it looks like this lovely piece of plastic only gets 33 mpg in town and 41 mpg highway (by the way, is almost the exact same mileage my car gets). My question is how suicidal do you have to be to take this motorized roller skate on the interstate? Also in my research I found this picture...

This would be kind of fun to have at the farm. I figure that thing can't weight more than about 30 pounds. How much fun would that be to run out on the pond. I'm pretty sure it would float with those tires that, individually, are bigger than the entire smart car. That almost seems like a good idea. Or for those of you who are really into style and like to cruise around whilst the wind blowing through your hair I found this one...

Nothing says "You're never getting laid again" like driving a convertable smart car.

I know that some of you are saying "now Mary Ann, there is nothing wrong with driving a smart car. It might be a win/win situation. They fit into compact parking spaces and with the ever growing population of large SUV's out there you know there are more and more compact car spaces available in parking garages every day. They obviously get steller gas mileage." Well let me show you the downside of owning a smart car.

It's all fun and games until the smart car gets drunk and falls over. Or your friends get drunk one night and think its funny to pick your car up and carry it 3 blocks down the street. When you get up in the morning and you can't find your car you can then ask "Was this car really a smart idea?"

For some reason I keep thinking that I've seen these cars before. A long time ago. Ohhh wait. Thats right. I did. This is what they looked like back in my day.

Honestly, I think these cars are so ugly and not worth the money people pay for them. You can buy a real car that will get you better gas mileage and not make you look like a douchebag while driving it.

Opinions are like Assholes...Everyone has one.

I used to post blogs on my myspace account. I've stopped posting opinion blogs there because I've offended a few people who I am close to. That was never my intention at all. My goal is never to hurt anyone. This is my platform to state my opinion. It is never directed at anyone in my personal life. If I have a problem with someone in my personal life I will never bring it to my blog. I will always take it up with them in private. Most of what I will be writing about are things that I've observed that I feel like commenting on. I have strong opinions that may differ from yours and that's just fine. I'm not politically correct. I never apologize for my opinions. I do apologize if they hurt someones feelings. You have an option to read this or not. If something on here offends you feel free to stop reading, comment about it or create your own blog and vent about some stupid girl with terrible opinions. This is my disclaimer and welcome to my blog.